The Finest Line Divides A Night Well Spent From A Waste Of Time

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 05:21:31 GMT

Although my Living arrangements have been crammed, boys don't know how to pick up for themselves, and boys smell, I am going to miss my roomies when they leave tomorrow. Hopefully it falls through and they won't actually have to leave.

I have had a horrible stomach ache since Aidan died. It won't go away even though I have been eating Tums religiously.

I know, Random thoughts....... but that is what happens when you can't sleep.

AND, by the way, The lite, 93.9 is paying for Aidan's funeral, which couldnt be more amazing. They answered our wish list!!!

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 09:00:44 GMT

Does not understand life and just wants to scream......

R.I.P. my little aiden, rest in peace. :(

I can only thank god that Nick was over playing Halo with us and not in the house and that Kenny decided the stay the night at our place.

December 1, 2007 - A four-year-old boy was killed in a house fire in southwest suburban Brookfield late Friday night.

Firefighters arrived at the home just before 11 p.m. They found two victims on the front lawn. They were told that one person was still trapped inside.

The firefighters searched the burning house room by room until they found the third person in a back bedroom. That person, a four-year-old boy was taken to Loyola Hospital and later died.

The fire is now under investigation.

If anyone has anything to offer the family......... cloths, food, ANYTHING, because they lost everything.........
( I believe Nick wears a 32, He is an average sized 7th grader)

Thank you Thank you Thank you

Fri, 30 Nov 2007 03:13:34 GMT

I wish I could just be handed an astronomical amount of money. Not for materialistic reasons, but to just to pay off my bills, to get my mother out of her forsaken situation, to acquire help for my brother so he would be able to begin an independent life, and for me to travel the world with the love of my life. I'm rest assured that I would learn more from traveling the world than from a book. Sigh, but for the time being, all I can do is fantasize about these remarkable destinations.

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 04:17:35 GMT

Since some old friends are once again taking action in their live journal, I feel it's time I do the same.

I am still stuck in the same place in life I have always been. I'm incapable of making imperative decisions about my future. I have concluded that is because I want to be able to do everything possible. I am not content doing one for a long period of time.

I'm a jack of all trades. Master of None.

Teaching is a career I have always considered an option. Teaching is one of those rewarding jobs with an incredible schedule. I currently only work 180 days a year. I never have to work a holiday or a weekend, the hours and days I work never change, and I also get to hang out with some of the most astonishing kids, however, there is not a large abundant paycheck. I, also, do not feel I should have to work multiple jobs to survive. After Tony died, I feel it was reality check that I am not invisible and I am NOT too young to die.

By the way, I miss him to pieces. I have also been struggling with the fact Michael has never gotten the opportunity to meet an individual I love dearly and who has played a tremendous role in my life, my father. (Rest in Peace Daddy, It's been five years and I still think about you EVERY single day.)

It's honestly bizarre when I try to rationalize where my life has taken me and where it would be if my father was still alive. For example, the best entity in my life would not exist, the all-amazing, stunning, marvelous, Michael Lyle Stock. He is what I am absolutely grateful for. :)

He has made me someone who stands up for herself, someone who sets goals and not only sets goals, but accomplishes those goals, and someone who doesn't pass up once in a lifetime opportunity because she is too scared. That list has illimitable means to how much of a better person I am because of him.

Anyhow, now that I have spent a good time distracting myself from the paper I have to write, the two oral presentations I have to develop, the project I have to work on, and the finals I need to study for, I am going to redirect myself back that way. :)

Thu, 18 Oct 2007 23:28:24 GMT

You never get used to it, the idea of someone being gone. Just when you think it's reconciled, accepted, someone points it out to you and it just hits you all over again.

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 04:23:24 GMT

So I have really been trying not to sweat the small stuff... But that is soo not my style. :)

Today I was informed my nine year old cousin Dominic has been prescribed anti-depressants, which just absolutely amazes me. I knew the child was going to have a hard time after my Uncle Steve passed, apparentely I under-estimated how bad it actually would be. This just breaks my heart.

While I am on the topic of hearts. I just found out one of my family members is in need of a new heart. He has a clot building up in it which is unfixable. He is tooo young for this. Its a scarey thing.

Alright, thats it. I sweated it off.... for now. Other than this stuff bringing me down, my life is amazing. I love my job, school is going great, graduation is soon, Michael is amazing (duh), and things in general are going overall well. :)

When the tides of life turn against you and the current upsets your boat, don't waste those tears on what might have been, just lie on your back and float.

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 21:20:19 GMT

Michelangelo said the best way to judge the essential elements of a sculpture is to throw it down a hill and the unimportant pieces will break away. Sometimes life is like that. It tosses us down a hill. But when we reach the bottom and only the important things are left, that's when our vision clears. That's when we hold on tight to what we know, while hope stirs inside us. It's all a matter of perspective.

Tue, 18 Sep 2007 21:00:27 GMT

I think sometimes you have to lose someone completely before you can figure out what they really mean to you.

I hate learning things the hard way.

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 23:29:56 GMT

Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and action, where it often substitutes for both.

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 22:57:02 GMT

While riding on the trail today 4 squirrels attempted to commit suicide by jumping in front of my bike.

I also saw a coyote....

Tue, 04 Sep 2007 21:42:12 GMT

I have a love hate relationship with my job.

Tue, 28 Aug 2007 01:45:33 GMT

* Tomorrow is the first day of school. I'm not sure if I am nervous or excited. I am working with a child I absolutely adore, but he most likely has the most behavioral problems out of the group. It would be easy to diagnose my feelings as being scared or nervous when I might actually feel excited. They basically have the same symptoms. So the "butterfly in the stomach" feeling I am currently experiencing is a feeling I am going to embrace and consider it anxiousness for another school year to begin.

* Im so neglectful to my journal, especially during the summer. Who wants to spend sunny warm days inside on a computer? The only time I spent on this computer during the summer was for the few online classes I attended.

* Recently my Aunt Sandy landed herself in the ER showing all the symptoms of a stroke. It turned out to actually not be a stroke but hemorrhage in the brain. I'm not quite sure if that is better or worse, however she is also battlingLeukemia. I can only hope for the best.

* This last weekend I attended a gradeschool friend's wedding. This was someone I managed to stay at least acquaintances with since second grade. It is always such a smake in the face when you are reunited with people you have not seen in ages and realize how much you have missed them. I would love to get that group of girls I used to hang with back together more often. It's so hard to keep in touch at this age. Especially now that she is married, and the rest of us are all in relationships, struggling to get through school,and also while working full time jobs.

* I am also head over heels in love with my boyfriend and let me tell you.... Its the most amazing experiance!

Tue, 21 Aug 2007 03:03:29 GMT

The first step to getting what you want in life is knowing what you want. This may sound obvious, but a surprising number of us are going through life without really coming to terms with the truth of what we want.

I want to finish college.
I want to be on the Price is right.
I want to have a career.
I want to be out of debt.
I want own a house.
I want to travel the world.
I want to get marriad one day.

These are too general. I think I need to work on them.

Fri, 17 Aug 2007 04:41:43 GMT

You can do what you have to do, and sometimes you can do it even better than you think you can.

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:47:43 GMT

Burden is the hardest and HEAVIEST thing to dump overboard.

Thank you Steve.

Wed, 08 Aug 2007 20:25:02 GMT

Life doesn't care about your vision. You just gotta roll with it.

Fri, 03 Aug 2007 16:41:17 GMT

I have always wanted to go to Disney World, but my parents would never take me. They took my brother a couple of times, but could never take me. That's probably because by the time I was born they were ready to retire. Yes, I was what they call a "oopsy."

So going to Disney World eventually became a life goal of mine. WELL, I get to scratch that one because I FINALLY made it to Disney World last week. AND it was just absolutely amazing. It was more than I ever expected.

I also was able to scratch another life goal while I was there.... Ready for this?? I went snorkeling.........and saw sharks. I, Mary Sanders, SWAM WITH SHARKS. I was also sorta hyperventilating but it was amazing. I saw Hammer Heads, and Nurse Sharks, and yea, just Sharks!!!!

While I was Disney I also started getting sharp abdominal pain, I kept pushing it off, and then I when I got home Michael took me to the ER. The doctor isn't quite sure whats going on. He gave me some meds and told me If I am not better by Saturday I need to go back to get some more blood drawn and tests done so he can check my liver and all that jazz. Un-Cool. However, Michael does an amazing job at taking care of me. I am impossible when I am sick, but somehow me manages. :)

Mon, 23 Jul 2007 17:59:17 GMT

Five years ago from today I was woken up in a panic by my mother to get dressed, so we could rush to the hospital to be with my father for his final minutes. By the time we got there, it was too late. He was already dead.

Tue, 17 Jul 2007 03:46:31 GMT

That's life. If nothing else, its life. It's real, and sometimes it f'in hurts, but it's sort of all we have.

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 18:56:18 GMT

The whole problem with people is they know what matters, but they don't choose it. The hardest thing on earth is choosing what matters.

Mon, 18 Jun 2007 05:02:49 GMT

I'm in a mediocre mood right now.
Thats because I let little things bother me.
This is a quality I am not proud of.

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 15:44:20 GMT

Today is Father's Day.

This day seems pointless when you no longer have a father.

I can remember the last Father's day we spent together.

It sucks.

That memory is smothered with Cancer.

Sun, 17 Jun 2007 15:41:11 GMT

There are people in my life who give me comfort. When the going gets tough, as it invariably does, I can count on them for a shoulder to cry on - they will lift me up when I fall, they will hold me in their arms as I cry and tell me, "Everything’s going to be okay." I am so thankful for those people. They are priceless.

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 23:01:10 GMT

I <3 Robert Frost.

The Silken Tent

She is as in a field a silken tent
At midday when a sunny summer breeze
Has dried the dew and all its ropes relent
So that in guys it gently sways at ease
And its supporting central cedar pole,
That is its pinnacle to heavenward
And signifies the sureness of the soul,
Seems to owe naught to any single cord,
But strictly held by none, is loosely bound
By countless silken ties of love and thought
To everyone on earth the compass round,
And only by one's going slightly taut
In the capriciousness of summer air
Is of the slightest bondage made aware.

Sat, 16 Jun 2007 05:35:23 GMT

I have just arrived home after a rigorous battle at northerly Island. Me vs. The crowd of GodSmack. I won ...................by default.

I went to the concert more than excited to see Taproot and Finger Eleven. Godsmack has never been one of my favorites. I think their hits are good, but thats it. Everything else is just repititve. I do have to say after my experiance, THEY PUT ON A AMAZING SHOW. I adore drum solos. Its a bands only way to my heart. AND Godsmacks drum solo was probably the best I have ever seen. It even beat out Travis Barker playing upside down. I am not sure why though, It was very simplex, but it just blew me away. I left my battle with a about 20 bruises, a plastic cup for beer in shape of a guitar and ringing ears, but it was totally worth it. :)